Winter has just begun in the Polish countryside. It is wonderful, snowy and cold. I got up this morning with Zen (that's my dog) and went for a walk. Zen loves winter and every now and then he rolls in the snowdrifts. I love the countryside, even though I actually live 6km from the city centre. The countryside is like a drug, it can become addictive. Walks in the fields in the morning, walks in the fields in the evening, meanwhile in winter we light the fireplace and sip whisky. Could there be anything better. Warm greetings!
The last year has been very difficult. I've had to change a lot in my life, change my priorities and finally figure out what I really want to do. I've had to cross people out of my life who were hostile to me and leave those who proved themselves as friends. It's been very hard because not long ago, I was writing to an old friend begging to meet up. And then I asked myself why? Why do you write if no one actually writes you back? Why do you torment yourself?
Then I thought about next year. And with the reassurance that there really are all the helpful people around me that I love, my children and my husband and my friends, I finally stopped tormenting myself.
And yet I love to feel sorry for myself, how poor I am, how miserable.
And then I realise that it's all pointless and all this self-pity is one big rubbish.
But, of course, there comes a time again when all the self-pity and despair comes back.
Yes this is a very personal entry. Something like a confession. But it is not about that, because we should find in all our short lives a moment of understanding for ourselves.
Sometimes I am rescued by dog walks, sometimes the cat joins our walking team.
And it's beautiful in this Polish countryside. It's beautiful because at last we feel part of this world, pillared and huddled, this mother earth.
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